


I Shouldn't Love You This Much

by rmowens



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 03:31:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmowens/pseuds/rmowens
Summary: "He knew he was going to end up here. So deeply in love with Alex Manes that when they inevitably had to leave each other, a part of him would die."Set 10 years before the show (approximately 2008) Michael reflects on his relationship with Alex during a clandestine camping trip in the desert. Romance, fluff, smut and angst ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since I love the original show, I had high hopes (if not high expectations) for the reboot. I love where they are taking the characters this go-round and I can't wait to see how everything will play out, especially the Michael/Alex relationship. Actually, Michael/Maria were my OTP for the original series. I loved their chemistry and was excited to see what these new actors brought to the on-screen relationship, but was pleasantly shocked and surprised at the curve ball of Michael/Alex. 
> 
> I really hope the producers and writers didn't decide to make them the "token gay characters" on a teen show just to check a box for a 2019 demographic and that they invest in and develop this relationship in a realistic way.

Michael could tell you the exact moment he knew he would end up here. Not in the desert on a warm April evening, with a cool wind blowing through his hair. Not with a ratty old tent sitting a few feet away from a roaring campfire. Not even inside of Alex Manes. 

No, he could tell you the exact moment he knew he would end up here, with his face smushed into Alex’s sweaty neck, nuzzling against his jawline, pressing delicate, gentle kisses against his cheek and ear and hair, even as he pounded into him, naked except for the jeans and underwear puddled around their ankles. He could tell you the exact moment he knew he would end up so in love with Alex Manes that it would make his entire being ache.

It was when the fucker looked at him the way Max looks at Liz. With complete and utter devotion, trust, the purest of love and longing. So much longing in his eyes. The asshole.

He worked to hold Alex’s body up against his old beat up car that he saved for two years to buy. The human boy was so pliable under Michael’s hands that the car and Michael himself were the only things keeping him upright as he moaned and cried out, his head thrown back against the alien boy’s shoulder. His arms snaked above and behind them, sliding his fingers into Michael’s curls and gripping gently as he pushed his ass back, meeting and matching Michael's deliberate thrusts. 

He brushed Alex’s prostate and the boy’s hands reflexively pulled Michael’s hair as he screamed. Michael’s cock throbbed at both the pain and the other boy’s reaction, wanting to hear that scream again, like he had so many times before, the thrill of hearing it never dissipating. 

Michael’s hands worked their way to Alex’s hips. His fingertips careful as he used the leverage to maneuver Alex back against him so he could get closer. The word “deeper” fluttered through his mind. No matter how far and how deep he managed to squeeze into his boy, it was never enough. Doesn’t mean he couldn’t try. 

He was so close to the end. They both were. Alex whimpered as he lifted a hand from Michael’s hair and wrapped it around himself, only to have Michael gently slap it away. Alex tried to reach for himself again but Michael grabbed both of his wrists and pinned them to the roof of the car. 

Alex let out a frustrated whine as Michael restrained his hands. “Baby…pleeeaase” he begged. Michael watched in fascination as Alex’s cock rubbed against the back driver's side window with each thrust, leaving a pool of precum against the glass. 

“I want it” Michael responded. Alex knew full well what he wanted.

“Please…hurry…I can’t…can’t take it anymore.” Alex turned his head and panted into his neck as Michael threaded his fingers through Alex’s and began to thrust wildly and recklessly. The sound of skin slapping against skin mixed with the crackling of the fire. His chin pressed against Alex’s shoulder, grounding himself as he exploded into his secret boyfriend.

After a few beats, once Michael got his breath back, he gently withdrew from Alex, leaving a tender kiss on his shoulder before roughly spinning him around, dropping to his knees and taking Alex into his mouth. Alex groaned and gripped Michael’s shoulders for support as the boy sucked him to his base, his mouth and tongue coaxing him to cum.

As his mouth worked, savoring Alex’s natural taste mixed with the taste of desert air on his skin, his fingers traveled up the back of his legs, coming to rest on his ass cheeks. As he sucked, his fingers began to knead the flesh. As he kneaded, he began to feel a trickle of his sperm slowly creep out of Alex’s hole and onto his fingers. They hadn’t bothered to use a condom in months. He immediately scooped up the cum with his finger and tried to put it back inside of the boy. His digit invading the swollen and sensitive hole. It was the last straw. All of the overwhelming sensations on his overheated skin caused Alex to erupt in Michael’s mouth. 

He screamed in pleasure, his breath coming in pants as Michael swallowed every last drop from him, refusing to release the now semi-soft cock until he was empty. Alex knew better than to try and pull away before Michael was done. He used to push him away, warn the other boy so he wouldn’t end up with a mouth full of bitter and salty cum. But as time passed, Michael began to refuse to let him go. He would hold his pelvis tight against his face and drink in everything Alex gave. He knew it sounded gross, but in reality, this beautiful boy wanting him, desiring him that much, astounded him and he was humbled by the action.

Michael kicked off the pants and underwear around his ankles and helped remove Alex’s as well before the boy bonelessly collapsed down onto Michael’s lap. They sat on the cool sand together, Alex straddling Michael, each holding onto the other as if one might fly away. Michael ran his hands down the soft skin on Alex’s arms and back delicately, as if he was the most precious thing in the world. In Michael’s world, he was. In return, Alex’s fingers tangled in Michael’s damp curls as his lips pressed soft kisses to his temple and forehead. 

The human boy turned his lips to Michael’s ear, gently nibbling on the lobe before whispering, so very quietly, “I love you” and burying his face in Michael’s neck for comfort and reassurance.

All of the blood in Michael’s body began to boil. His heart felt like it was going to swell right out of his chest and tears sprang to his eyes. 

“Goddamn it” He thought. He knew he was going to end up here. So deeply in love with Alex Manes that when they inevitably had to leave each other, a part of him would die. 

He held Alex tighter and whispered back “Me too Baby.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought this was only going to be a 2 chapter story, but chapter 2 kept getting longer and longer, so I thought I'd make it 3. Hopefully I can finish them all today.

The exact moment Michael knew he would fall in love with Alex Manes was 1:13 p.m. on September 13, 2008. Chemistry class. Predictable and cliche, he knows. 

But on the first day of classes on the first day of senior year on a miserably hot August afternoon, their teacher assigned them lab partners. Michael trudged over to their table, grumpily tossing his backpack on its surface. Alex just smiled a friendly smile at him, shyly waved, said “hey” and left him alone for the rest of class. He didn’t try to make small talk which he was thankful for. The boy took notes, looking at Michael occasionally when the teacher talked about expectations for work the partners were supposed to do together as if to ask “You hearing this Guerin?” before turning his attention back to the front.

After three weeks of being paired at school, it became apparent that Manes was a closet nerd. Half of the girls in school lusted after him for his jock status, and the other half were into him because he played the guitar and apparently chicks dig sensitive musician types. But it turns out Alex was smart. Scarily smart. Almost Michael level smart, even though Michael painstakingly made sure everyone thought he was a below average student. 

The guy was funny too. The fucker. He managed to get a smile from the surly alien each class period. Once he even pried a chuckle out of him during an offhand conversation about his secret love of country music. Michael doubled down on his gruffness, determined not to let his guard down with this kid. He couldn’t let anyone see…

Michael was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of light snores. His head propped up on his fist, he looked down at the messy mass of dark hair pressed against his chest, the light from the fire making the strands look like they were dancing in the darkness that enveloped them.

After they’d disentangled from each other, dusted the sand off their naked bodies, cleaned Alex’s inner thighs, put fresh clothes on, and filled up on campfire cooked hot dogs and potato chips, they’d pulled the two sleeping bags out of the tent and zipped them together, spreading one big bag in front of the fire. At first they lay on their backs, shoulders touching, starring at the stars while holding hands. But Alex began to doze and he turned on his side, dragging Michael along with him. He wrapped his arm tighter around Alex's belly and pulled him closer to his body even though it wasn’t possible to get any closer. He kissed his hair, listened to his cute little snores and went back into his memories… 

After three weeks of being paired at school, it became apparent that Alex Manes was infatuated with Michael. Only three fucking weeks before he caught Alex looking at him from across the cafeteria with his big dumb Bambi eyes… big dumb sad Bambi eyes. And at 1:13 p.m, on September 13, while taking a bite from his cheeseburger, his eyes met those big dumb sad Bambi eyes, and Alex blushed a scarlet red, looked away in embarrassment and a bit of shame. Confused, Michael froze with burger still in his mouth. Nobody ever looked at him that way. With a burst of confidence, Alex looked back up, obviously trying to control his breathing, and rolled his lips together in a nervous tick and stared expectantly straight into Michael’s eyes, desperately trying to communicate his desire.

Michael’s heart rate sped up. His chest tightened and he carefully swallowed his bite of burger. It felt like a rock in his stomach. He had an overwhelming urge to kiss Alex right then. To wipe the sad longing from his eyes.

What.The.Fuck was happening? He carefully looked to see if anyone was seeing this, especially Max, who he forgot was sitting right beside him. But everyone was engrossed in their own drama and Max was making his own big dumb sad Bambi eyes at Liz Ortecho. 

He stood up and subtly nodded his head as if to say “follow me.” Alex did.

Michael walked down the hallway, his stomach a tangle of nerves. He rolled his eyes in annoyance at himself. He wasn’t inexperienced. He’d been hooking up with both boys and girls since he was 15. Not from this crappy town of course. He’d gone two or even three towns over to get his needs met. Alex was different though. Why now? They had known each other their entire lives but never ran in the same circles, never interacted much with each other. Alex Manes, the golden boy and apple of his father’s eye, and Michael Guerin, the bad boy from the troubled foster, home weren’t an ideal match. Why after only three weeks of getting to know each other, and one time seeing Alex's goo-goo eyes, did he feel like this? 

He ducked into the first empty classroom he could find and only had to wait a minute and a half for Alex to find him. “Pssst!” He loudly whispered. Alex’s smile disappeared as Michael violently yanked him by the arm into the classroom and shut the door, crowding the other boy against it. 

“What the hell is going on?!” he demanded, his face dangerously close to Alex’s. 

“I’m…I’m sorry” Alex stammered. “I just…I just…” his eyes desperately scanned Michael’s, trying to figure out if he was about to get the crap kicked out of him. He took a chance. “I like you Michael.” Michael’s breathing intensified. Nobody had ever said that to him. 

“Why?” he asked, not believing anyone ever could like him.

“I dunno. I just do.” Alex insisted. “All I know is I can’t stop thinking about you.” 

Michael continued to stare at Alex like Alex was the alien here. His mind was racing with thoughts. Could he? Should he? Dare he?

Alex made up his mind for him as he slowly leaned forward, and carefully brushed his lips over Michael’s. It was quick. Too quick for Michael to register anything other than a small little jolt run down his spine. 

“I’ve never kissed another guy before that” Alex admitted as Michael stood there processing everything. “But I’ve wanted to kiss you for years. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for years” he confessed quietly, his hands balled into fists, trying to keep from touching the still shocked boy. 

Michael’s brain was still steeped in foggy confusion when he distractedly answered “That wasn’t a kiss.”

Disappointment flashed on Alex’s face before he whispered “oh.”

“This is a kiss” He pressed Alex’s body into the door as his lips smashed against the human’s. Alex opened his mouth immediately for Michael and the alien boy took advantage, reaching his tongue out to find Alex’s, enticing the other boy’s tongue to dance with his. They both moaned as Michael’s thigh nudged between Alex’s legs and Alex ran his fingers through Michael’s curls, a thing Michael would later discover was a bit of a kink with Alex…Michael’s curls that is. 

He continued kissing Alex aggressively. His tongue and lips invading Alex’s mouth, his leg rubbing along Alex’s hardness. He couldn’t stop himself, even though he knew this was too much for a first kiss. Even though he knew he should slow down, he couldn’t. A floodgate was open. Alex moaned and gasped and whimpered and held on to Michael. Held on for the ride that was Michael Guerin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Last chapter. As I was writing, I didn't know where I was going to take the guys. I wanted to write more sexytime stuff for them, but I wrote a sentence and upon reading it in the context, it seemed like the perfect place to end, knowing what we know from the Pilot, so I decided to end it there. 
> 
> However, if anyone has any requests for other stories with this shiny new ship, please feel free to ask. I can't promise anything as I'm a lazy writer, and this is the first thing I've written since last summer probably, but I'm feeling inspired by these two.

The fire was slowly dying down, but Alex, who had flipped over and was now nestled against Michael’s front, his face pressed against his chest, his drool dampening the fabric that covered it, looked so sweet and peaceful, Michael couldn’t bear to wake him to get up to throw another log on. So he looked around, even though they were miles and miles away from any other people, looked down to make sure his secret boyfriend was still drooling on him, and then proceeded to float two logs over to the fire, securing them in place with his mind. He watched the flames soar upward in satisfaction and sadness. Knowing he could never share this part of himself with Alex was always a sore spot for him. 

He lay there, thinking, his arm slung around Alex’s waist, his hand resting on his ass cheek. His mind once again took him back to their first kiss. The intensity of it. The universe had to be fucking with him. A big ole cosmic F.U. to the alien stuck on Earth. Everything with Alex happened so fast, it didn’t seem real. It was unfair is what the fuck it was. The timing was illogical and terrible. He felt gypped of all the time they could have had together. Why couldn’t they have been partnered up years before? Why couldn’t have Alex admitted his feelings sooner? Or better yet, why couldn’t the universe just have left him alone and never brought Alex into his life at all? 

They would only get one school year, nine goddamn months, before graduation. He knew Alex was going to leave. He was too good for this town. He thought Alex might ask him to come with him, wherever it is he goes. He knew he could never leave this town. Fuck the Universe. 

It was as if Alex, even in his sleep, could feel the anger and sadness rolling off Michael in waves because Michael suddenly felt a large hand press against his heart and Alex’s soft and soothing voice say plainly “Oh God…I drooled on you.” 

Michael smiled into the night air above Alex’s head. He calmly responded as his hand squeezed the boy’s ass. “Yes you did baby. You should be thoroughly embarrassed." Alex ignored the sarcastic comment and instead moaned at the touch on his body and kissed Michael’s throat. “Your shirt is disgusting now. You should take it off” Alex suggested between kisses. Each of them were only wearing a t-shirt and boxer briefs. If he ditched the shirt, he would be at the mercy of Alex's mouth. As if he weren't already. 

Michael pulled Alex’s pelvis onto his own in response and began to lightly grind. 

“Wait, Wait” Alex pulled back. “What time is it?” he looked at his watch. 2:00 a.m. “Hang on, I gotta piss” he announced as he pulled back the opening of the sleeping bag, letting the chilly desert night air in. Michael groaned and pulled the bag blanket back over himself as Alex ventured out, complaining the entire time about how cold it was. 

On his way back, Alex implored “Open it! Open it! Michael once again swung the fabric up, letting cold air and his cold secret boyfriend into their cocoon. Alex immediately curled into Michael’s warmth, his cold feet finding a place between piping hot thighs, his cold hands finding a home under Michael’s shirt, not coincidentally on his abs, carefully avoiding the spot of drool.

“What did I say about this shirt?” Alex asked as he pretended not to notice Michael gritting his teeth against the invasion of cold hands and feet. Clumsily, and not without a little bit of elbow in the ribs, Alex yanked the soiled shirt off Michael’s body and threw it next to them on the sand. Michael couldn’t even be annoyed at the elbow to the ribs because Alex was too damn cute when trying to undress him in a confined space. Which there had been many confined space undressings. This was a secret relationship after all. 

“That’s better” he insisted as he began to press soft kisses to the skin on Michael’s bare chest. Michael sighed at sensations on his nipples and closed his eyes in enjoyment.

“What are you doing awake at 2:00 a.m. Babe?” Michael now sighed in frustration at the lack of kisses and the request he talk about his feelings. But Alex scooted up so their faces were right in front of each other. His eyes scanned Michael’s, probably looking for whatever problem that was keeping Michael awake. There was no hiding from him. 

Michael affectionately kissed his forehead. "Just thinking about last September and this May after graduation. And everything that’s happened between us this year." Alex nodded, waiting for more.

“And how unfair it is that we didn’t get enough time together” he admitted looking down at Alex’s chin, deliberately avoiding his eyes. “I’m fuckin terrified of how much it’s gonna hurt when you leave me.”

One of the things Michael loved about Alex was that he didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep and he didn’t lie to people to spare their feelings because in the end that lie would only make things worse. Michael hated being told everything would be okay when he knew damn well it wouldn’t. So Alex did the only thing he could do. He acknowledged Michael’s feelings with a head nod as if to say “I understand” and brought their foreheads together. He gently cupped Michael’s cheek. “I will always love you. No matter what happens. Never ever forget that.” Michael sighed against Alex’s mouth and nuzzled his face.

“Me too Baby.”

He never made promises he couldn’t keep.


End file.
